Today I had a second date with Ryan. We went to a 1:00pm Atlanta Braves baseball game. I met him at his house, got a tour, and then changed into the t-shirt he got me so I could look like a real fan. I asked him, the day before, if he had a Braves shirt I could wear, I did not mean for him to go out and buy one. Apparently I must look littler than I am, because the shirt was a little tight! The game was really fun. We sat in an area that was covered by the floor above us so we were in the shade, right behind home plate. He is more than willing to do fun photo opportunities, he has a great attitude, and he is funny. Not as funny as me, but we can’t all be.
When the game got out there was a man selling turtles. “Turner Field Turtles!” I couldn’t resist…they were so cute and little and the most perfect shade of green I’ve ever seen. So now I have turtle named Turner (shhh…don’t tell Stephanie and Jason!).
And all was going just swell until the car ride home. About 20 minutes in to downtown Atlanta rush hour traffic, I got really hot. I tell Ryan this and he cranks up the air. I lean over on to the passenger door side armrest to close my eyes and relax. All of a sudden I feel like I’m going to throw up all over the place. Then I remember Turner is at my feet and his little habitat would be an ideal location in which to puke. So I tell Ryan I’m going to puke and I pick up Turner’s container. Ryan, being ridiculously concerned about Turner, tells me I can’t puke on him. Really? Where else would you like me to puke in your Lexus? Next thing I know, there is water dripping on my leg because Ryan has removed Turner from his container to save him from my vomit. Now, he says, puke away.
So uncontrollably I start dry heaving over Turners habitat when a huge, unpredictable toot comes flying out! Oh yeah, totally cut the cheese, let one rip, passed gas, whatever you want to call it. I was surprised when it happened, but really too ill to be embarrassed. Five minutes later however, when I was feeling back to normal, without ever having puked, I had the whole car ride home to be humiliated. While I was in the process of feeling hot, feeling like crap, and deciding I was going to puke on Turner, I was embarrassed enough at those facts alone. NO that turned out to be the least of my concerns! The car ride continued and I would feel good for a while and then the hot flashes and nausea would come back for a few minutes and the cycle repeated itself 3-4 times on the way home. I never did throw up.
I just pretended it never happened, and he certainly didn’t mention it. He was very understanding and supportive and concerned about how I was feeling but all I kept thinking was that he was thinking the worst of me. There’s a saying in AA that you’re only as sick as your secrets. So I’m outing myself in hopes of one day looking back on this and finding it funny, instead of self-esteem damaging. Is it funny yet? Nope.
